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Saturday, February 1, 2014

So I'm trying to get back to this:


























Honestly, I wish I wasn't redoing this but due to personal issues where I was very depressed and lost even more weight (I got down to 100lbs size: 00) then the personal issue linked above and I gained all 40 lbs back… plus 45 more.

I decided to share my weight loss journal to the online community and continue to update it here on luvkianna.com, follow me on my journey hopefully I inspire and motivate you to make a change. Initially I was unsure whether or not I should share all the details, mainly my weight, until I realized why I was apprehensive.

It was shame. I was ashamed that I'd gained so much weight, I was unhappy with myself, I was pissed that all that hard work went down the drain. I understand WHY I gained back all the weight, I get it, but I didn't like what I saw in the mirror, in pictures and on video. My reflection was a reminder of my weight gain.

Guys would approach me, they didn't care about my size, they liked me, but that's not the point. I didn't like what I saw (again) and that's far more important than what anyone else thinks, until you accept something about yourself you'll never truly be happy, you'll just be living vicariously through their happiness.

I started this journal April 2013 but I'm leaving out some of my thoughts and feelings I had at that time, they were unfiltered and for my eyes only. :)

So I'll just post the first journal entry stats and some thoughts I had when I was at my heaviest, keep a look out for more recent  journal updates coming soon.

Click #2 to see my specific goals


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Height- 5'2"

Weight - 185 lbs

BMI - 33.8 Obese = BMI of 30 or greater




Measurements


Neck- 15

Arm- 11.5

Bust- 42.5" Bra Size - no clue

Waist - 40" (terrible right?!! People thought I was pregnant)

Hips- 42

Thigh- 25

Calf- 14 (I told ya'll I had chicken legs no matter how big I get)




Goal

Weight - 130 lbs or less

Measurements


Neck- 14

Arm- 9.5

Bust- 34 Bra Size - 34C

Waist - 27" or smaller ;)

Hips- 36

Thigh- 20

Calf- 12




"I wouldn't mind any of my goal stats being smaller but this is a good place to stop, if I stop. I'm going to try eating MORE fruits and vegetables, cut out the beef, no more processed foods, no more fast foods, no salt,etc.

I hate when people say "This is what a REAL or NORMAL or an AVERAGE woman looks like."  What's considered normal or average  changes every decade, it also doesn't mean it's a good thing. It was considered normal to be covered head to toe, your ankles weren't even allowed to be shown unless you wanted to be considered loose. It was common to see women fit and trim in the 80's and 90's, that was considered normal and average.


 What I'm saying is, what is common changes quite often, something can be considered normal if it's around enough, if you witness murder everyday, it can become normal. We see overweight people all around us and it's becoming the norm, that doesn't make it good. We can blame people for being lazy, or greedy, we can blame the food industry, added hormones to our meat supply, salt,etc.


But I'm not interested in blaming, nor am I interested in accepting what is considered real or normal by society. I'm more interested in controlling the things I can control and that is myself and the foods I consume. If it's considered real or normal to be unhealthy, then I INSIST on being the most abnormal person you will ever come across. I INSIST for the sake of my very life! 

 
 I'm not saying the mean weight is bad world wide but in the United States it most definitely is, I'm apart of that statistic (gotta get out of the damn stat asap), and there are people trying to justify being overweight, some for profit, some because they don't want to change, some because they see nothing wrong with it.


I'm currently over 180 lbs on a 5'2" frame, I don't LOOK HUGE but I'm definitely NOT at a healthy weight for my height nor do I like how my body looks. So for these reasons I'm going to lose this weight, I've found a local gym and I'd like to try it out."







Look how happy I was lol that was the first week I started working out again.

Let me just say I trained hard for months but saw zero weight loss, I did notice I was more toned but honestly I did not care, I didn't give a damn. That wasn't my goal, my concern was and is not to appeal to anyone but myself. So spare me the speech. I've never been flabby in my life, even at my highest weight above, I had a little jiggle but nothing was loose and flabby.

I was eating very healthy meals mostly salads with chicken breast and cheese. I had to cut out the ranch dressing when I realized how bad that is for someone trying to slim down, but I was still the same size. My trainer kept telling me how much he liked my current frame, my walk, my this, my that…

How inappropriate!

And the owner was no better, so I left that gym and ended up at one that was even worse. Not from flirting but their business practices. I was working out on my own at the gym doing lots of cardio and weight training (I've worked out in gyms since I was 10 years old, I know what I'm doing) things were going well, but like I said they had shifty practices and I wouldn't stand for it.

Fast forward through a couple months of fasting (-20 lbs) exercising on my own, swimming, running, walking, etc. mixed with BAD eating habits I binged like crazy after the fast (don't do this you could die)  and gained most if not all of it back, HOW DISAPPOINTING. I knew I needed to buckle down and that's when I FINALLY thought about the things I did to lose 40 lbs like I did in the video above and I discuss that down below


Click #3 to see video


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Losing weight is not as easy as it is to gain it. All it takes to gain it is shovel some food in your mouth, getting rid of it is another story. There, I got all personal with ya. More to come, more tips, more stats, more of my weight loss journal entries.








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